..NOR do I really like dubstep (is this even dubstep? beats me?) but I’ve had this shit on loop all week. Writing to it, running to it, driving to it. Good jam especially now that the sun’s out. Perfect to pregame a Friday night too, jussayin.
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Just gonna take a quick second to burst Bromeo’s bubble about Swedish girls. A while back he posted this video and commented on how these girls were out of his league “talent wise and looks wise”:
Welp, today I stumbled upon them in this video, except there’s actually light and color in this one. Eat your heart out Bromeo:
At least they’re still talented, right?
Apparently I’m THE expert on soft erections. Awesome. Flaccid penises are exactly what I want to be an expert on. You write one little blog about whiskey dick and now everyone thinks you get boners like a cooked noodle. IT ONLY HAPPENED ONEfine,TWO okay, maybe 3 times! I probably won’t be able to pick up groupies at our next blog event after this. Unless they’re into really disappointing sex, in which case HMU.
There’s a few different points to this questions so I’ll break it down.
Morning Sex is a Novelty. It’s the sprinkles on your sex life sundae. Morning sex is awesome when there’s the right amount of it, but do it too much and you’ve got too many fucking sprinkles and they’re not exciting anymore. Everyone seems to forget that a big part of morning sex is gross hair and bad breath. I always call bullshit when there’s kissing in a morning sex movie scene. That doesn’t happen.
I prefer late morning sex. Sex after I’ve gotten up, eaten some breakfast, showered and brushed my teeth. Brunch sex I call it. Way better. Give it a shot.
There are dozens of reasons why a guy might have trouble getting it up and most of them have nothing to do with you:
Girls make a huge mistake when they assume that if their guy isn’t rock hard then it’s their fault. I understand why they think that, but it’s really misguided. I’ve had sex with some repulsive girls. Girls that are making me feel a little queasy and disappointed in myself as I write this. But guess what, I performed like a champ. Being attracted to or interested in her had nothing to do with it.
Guys all have their own reasons why they might not be rocking a sledgehammer some morning/night. Maybe work sucks, maybe they’re stressed about school whatever. Shit happens. Dig deep into your bag of tricks, be patient and do NOT ask him “is everything okay?”. That makes us feel like there’s something wrong with us, one of the only things that really digs deep at a guys masculine persona. If you’re holding up your end of the bargain then it’s not your fault. Occasionally this is going to happen to a guy; we don’t have the luxury of faking it when it’s not working for us.
I can’t fuck when I have to pee. That’s my thing. Anytime I’m hanging out with a girl and I think it might get heavy I start taking bathroom breaks every fifteen minutes. It’s a problem for me during morning sex because obviously I need to pee when I wake up. I’m not saying that’s what’s going on here–I’m just trying to give you some insight on boner killing scenarios for guys.
How important is morning sex to you?:
You say your sex life is awesome EXCEPT for morning sex. Is morning sex just like the final piece of the puzzle, or is it something you feel is severely lacking in your sex life? If it’s not the end all be all then don’t force it. When it’s good it’s great and it just happens. Isn’t that the best part about morning sex? Spontaneity?
Listen to your boyfriend and take his word for it. Maybe morning sex isn’t his thing. But if you want to test it, wake up before him, sneak out of bed, take a shower, come back in and fuck his brains out. Wet hair sex. So hot. Lemme know how that works for you.
bromeo@twssboston.com
There really is only one word to describe these covers and dope is it. If you’re a DJ and you can come up with shit like this to put together then props to you because you just made my life. I’m always stunned when a super good remix or cover comes out of a song that’s been overplayed as shit, it lengthens the life of the song for me. Maybe I’m easily impressed? Nahhhhh.
We love reader emails here at TWSS. It gives us a sense of purpose in our otherwise laughable daily lives. Here’s a great one addressing the conundrum of a guy’s lingering ex. It was a little lengthy so I pulled out the basics:
Betsy,
Your blogs have been on target recently. I’ve started to eat healthy/watch what i eat and work out and it’s been the hardest thing to do since coloring in the lines. TWSS is my daily newspaper. Here is my dilemna:
I have been “talking” to this boy and we’ve hooked up a few times. He is super sweet and extremely funny, but he has this crazy ex that none of our mutual friends like. They all say she is bat shit crazy, and I’m not going to lie i’ve met her twice but i’ve been blackout so that’s not saying much. We have finally been talking besides just the weekends, yes i realized i’m a weekend chick but i am in grad school so i am only home on the weekends.
Naturally he doesn’t text me during the night when he is out which i get, but decides it’s cool to text me at midnight and 1 o clock in teh morning when I am passed out because I have to teach 18 first graders every morning. Is it because his psycho ex is there? I guess the real question is…this weekend I am going with our mutual friends to see him DJ at a club and he wants me there but i have no doubt in my mind that his ex gf will be there…how should i act? I am assuming really low key (keep me away from shots) and just to go with the flow because whatever we have going on is fun and spontaneous it just bugs me that he is still hooking up with his ex as well…why does he get the best of both worlds?
________________________________________________________________________
First of all, kind of endearing that you called me Betsy. I’m gonna roll with it.
And also, here are my thoughts. I think guys usually keep an ex in the picture if they A). obviously haven’t moved on yet or B). are unsure of a new prospect and wanna keep what’s familiar on the backburner in case it blows up in their face. If you’re only hearing from him during the booty call hours of midnight-4AM? Well, my point exactly. Perhaps no different than us ladies, guys like to have options and it’s a win-win to keep an ex-girlfriend around. If you and him don’t work out? He has something comfortable to fall back on. And if you two do end hitting it off for real, he can rub it in her face. Pretty sweet deal for him right? But what about you?
He gets the best of both worlds because you’re letting it happen, my dear. I totally get that we all wanna be that cool girl who rolls with the punches and never demands anything too unreasonable for fear of being Crazygirl, but are you seriously OK with the fact that the guy you like is still boning his ex-girlfriend? If so, power to you. You’re a stronger chick than me. But without sounding preachy, you deserve a lot more than a simmering on some dude’s backburner till he figures out what the fuck he wants. Yes things can be light and casual but you sound a little hung up on him and I can’t imagine this scenario makes you feel good, especially if he’s making zero effort whatsoever to conceal it. Be honest with yourself. You’re not wrong to have very basic needs.. as in.. wanting a guy who’s NOT actively dipping his hands in the ex honeypot (for the record, that metaphor was far more graphic than I intended).
Although it pains me in a girl-power kinda way, I assume you’re cool with the situation.. at least for right now. So yes, you’re right to play it low-key this weekend. You don’t wanna make an ass out of yourself by acting affectionately, making him feel uncomfortable, and therefore causing him to avoid you. That awkward dynamic will lead to those shots you were talking about (which could result in the best night ever, but 9 times out of 10 really just provokes a drunken Armageddon of sorts). Follow his lead and keep in mind that he may very well be cold if his ex is around. Try not to go into the night with too many expectations and have your own fun regardless of his whereabouts. Maybe bring a buffer guy, someone you’re mildly interested in that takes the edge off the dude you’re really gunning for. Bottom line, DO YOU. And if/when? this fling becomes more stressful than it is enjoyable, you already know what I’m gonna tell you. Take your bar somewhere else ’cause he sure as hell ain’t clearin’ it.
I also took the liberty of tossing your dilemma Bromeo’s way so you could get a guy’s take. Good luck my friend and may the odds be ever in your favor.
Oh and keep ‘em coming // betty@twssboston.com
bromeo//
Anyone else read this email and get concerned about public schools?
No shit he still talks to his ex. Ex’s are like your favorite t shirt– even if you outgrow it, you hang on to it out of sentiment. Smart guys don’t burn bridges with an ex because we know that an ex is the easiest hook up there is. Once you’ve gotten it in, there’s a way better chance you can get it in again. It’s at least way easier than finding a new girl, wine-ing and dining her and tricking her into thinking you aren’t a scumbag so she’ll let you sleep with her. Work smart, not hard. If this is some kind of new revelation for you then you do not understand guys.
Try and tame the jealousy dragon. You don’t know that he’s with his ex before he texts you and you don’t know that he’s hooking up with her. That could be true, but you don’t know for sure and if you’re wrong then you look like the crazy one.
As for this weekend, look hot because you’re in a straight up duel sister! Show up guns blazing, be nice and friendly to everyone (including his ex. do not act bitchy toward her. total turn off). Be flirty but flaky to the guy and make him work for it just a little bit.
It’s simple. If you want to get this guy then be better than his ex.
I wasn’t going to comment on Johnny T’s whole ordeal because honestly, I like the dude. I think he’s an awesome actor who was in Face / Off, a frickin awesome movie. But, the more I think about these male masseaurs coming out accusing Travolta of sexual harassment, the more I feel bad for the dude.
Could Travolta be a little bi-curious? Yah sure, why not. So could these stories be true? I wouldn’t be surprised by anything anymore, so yah. Had he pulled off the old, “Hey Massuer. I’m John Travolta. I was in Grease. Check out my hips and their hipnotic gyrations” pick up line in order to have a little fun? Absolutely. For the past 3 decades. And it always worked.
Unfortunately, every legend’s time comes and goes. Sometimes their bat speed just isn’t there anymore. It’s terrible but it’s true. I feel like these past couple weeks have been a wake up call for him. He just isn’t what he used to be. It just doesn’t come easy for him anymore. It’s sad to see.
I hope things work out for him and his family. Honestly. He seems like a cool dude. I hope he finds his happy ending.
So I snagged this lil’ exchange off HowAboutWe. Apparently this woman wasn’t into the lawyer guy after their movie date, politely attempted to tell him so, and well..you can see how he handled it. I have some thoughts on the matter:
1. The fake accidental text? Wow that’s the oldest trick in the book, but I’ve seen it executed wayyy better than this. It’s a pretty lame strategy too so if you’re gonna stoop that low, at least do it right:
- First off, he named his imaginary date “Nancy?” Honey, if you’re trying to make a girl jealous, call your other chick something exotic like “Isabella” or “Jasmine,” not a name most of us associate with our great aunts and/or a politician’s wife.
- The fake accidental text only works if you send something ambiguous and brief. Something that gets the wheels turning, making its recipient wonder what it means and who it was actually intended for. This couldn’t be further off the mark. Why didn’t he just add in at the end: also Candace, this is my last-ditch effort to make you reconsider because I’m a sad, sad man who will do everything in my power to decimate your self-esteem in order to validate my own existence. I award this guy zero points and may God have mercy on his soul.
2. What dudes text like this the first place? Granted I’m not privy to the inner workings of the wolfpack, but I have enough common sense to assume you guys don’t even SPEAK to each other in this way let alone iMessage dramatic novellas back and forth documenting all your dating play-by-plays. It’s just so transparent it hurts. Isn’t he a lawyer? His poor clients are really the ones losing out here because Crazyboy’s an honest-to-God Scarecrow straight outta Oz = in desperate need of a brain.
3. Who uses half-points on the Hot Scale? As if his neuroses weren’t obvious enough.. damn.
4. I give this girl props for being straight-forward and just coming out with it: I’m not into you. I don’t usually take the time to do this with random guys I don’t know, hoping that if I stop answering long enough, they’ll just go away. Is this inconsiderate? Maybe, but I don’t have time for a dude who isn’t smart enough to read my very clear signals. Apparently I could learn a thing or two from Candace though because this is my #lyfe lately (and yes that last one was 5 PM on MOTHER’S DAY):
Maybe if he’d offered tequila.. And please note my single incoherent attempt at participating in this very one-sided conversation. It occurred after the TWSS Bar Crawl and I believe I was aiming for: going home to Brighton. Also note that it was only 8PM.
So the good news is, I got a promotion- 2.5 months with the company and I’m already making big moves. The bad news? I just got shoved with a bunch of overdue and soon-to-be-due assignments. Fuck.
I literally don’t even have time to write this post (which is a testament of my loyalty to the readers). Shit is insane. I’m like super excited to be trusted to do all of this work, but at the same time I’m like “Wait, you trust me to do all this work??!!” That’s right, the blog lush was given some responsibility. It’s only a matter of time before I get in over my head and accidentally start a fire Ryan from The Office style.
P.S. Bromeo don’t be discouraged, if my incompetent ass could get hired then you definitely have a shot.
Spending time with an Ex is probably the worst thing you could ever do, for your sanity and for theirs.
I’ve never understood this, for the most part all of the relationships I have ever been in have been a clean break and then they are out of my life forever. Out of sight, out of mind. On with my life and never an inkling that I may not be okay without that person.
There’s always that one person however, for some reason or another who is able to push their way back into your life and make it impossible to forget them. It could just be coincidence, it could be persistence, or it could just be pure selfishness that brings you two back together.
The tough thing about spending time with someone who was a big part of your life is this: now and then, you guys will have moments together, moments that remind you how amazing your relationship was. For a brief second.. you think what if we got back together? Remembering the small quirks about each other that made you smile and not the bigger picture that made you crazy.
Then there is that sad realization that it’s never going to work. Hurt, anger and mainly embarrassment rolls over you for being so stupid. In that moment, you allowed yourself to be vulnerable. All the progress made to separate yourself from the situation and be healed has been sabotaged. You took 2 steps forward and then 5 back.
This feeling is magnified even more if you were the person that initiated the break up to begin with. It’s sad to say, but people want things that they can’t have, and once you’ve back pedaled and said “hey let’s give it another go,” that other person is no longer interested. They’ll pursue you to the end of the earth until you finally give in, then they’ve won. And the game is no longer fun.
Pure foolishness. When it comes down to it they’re an Ex for a reason and thats not going to change. Don’t do it to yourself, it’s never worth it.