Alright this question’s been sitting in my inbox for awhile. It’s a mouthful of a dilemma, but I’m gonna go for it because I’m a compassionate blogger who wants our readers to get laid.
“I’ve been talking for this girl for about 2.5 months now. We hang out on weekends when we’ve been drinking but nothing happens. I tried to move in for the kiss about 3 weeks in after we’d been dancing for a while and she turned her head. Later that night I get a text about how she “just got out of a bad relationship and isn’t really sure what she wants right now.” We still hang out on weekends; she’s left bars to come to bars and house parties I’m at and I’ve done the same for her. She stays behind at my friend’s house party when her friends ask her to leave, but nothing happens. I’ve tried to ask her to dinner but I always get the same “I’m in a weird place right now, I’m just going to try to work on me” thing. But I, along with my friends, think it’s clear she’s into me. Her friend asked me one night at the bar if I “really liked her” and I said yes, but I know what she’s going through with her ex and I know she doesn’t want to take things to fast. We’re going to a dance together in a few weeks and I graduate the week after. She’s going away to a different country for a month this summer. I’m just worried if I don’t do something before graduation, I won’t have the same opportunities when I’m working and she’s still in school next year. What do you suggest? Should I go in for something like a spontanious kiss within the next few weeks? Should I do it at the dance?”
——————————————————————————————————–
I hate to be a Debs, but I’d say it’s kind of obvious what’s going on here. She’s just not that into you. If she was, something would’ve happened by now.. especially if you guys are boozing a lot together. I referenced this when I talked about girls on the rebound a few weeks ago. If a girl’s coming out of a relationship, she often likes to have a filler guy, someone to occupy her time (whether that be her inbox, weekend plans, etc.) as a physical replacement for her old boyfriend. It boosts her ego and can also be used as a grenade to lob at her ex: oh yeah, I’ve been hanging out with someone. Shitty and misleading for you? You betcha.. but the truth hurts.
This girl very well may like you, but my hunch is that she actually just likes the idea of you as she’s trynna get her shit together and move on. Why wouldn’t she? You’re an attentive guy giving her plenty of looks and making her feel desirable in the aftermath of a sour relationship. But when push comes to shove and she’s actually faced with the prospect of hooking up, she balks because she’s just not feelin’ it.
It seems you’re lost somewhere between the Friend Zone and the Rebound Graveyard where good guys are left for the hyenas and you’re bound to lose your sanity (and perhaps your soul) if you stick around hoping things will change. She’s outright telling you that she’s not into dating other guys right now. Listen to her. It probably has less to do with you and more to do with her ex who she’s not over (I could lead a seminar in that kinda angst..trust) so you don’t have to beat yourself up over it. Even if it DOES have to do with you, you want a girl who’s confident in what she wants and not so damn wishy-washy. When it’s right, it’s easy. End of story.
You say she’s leaving overseas soon? I’d say cut that shit loose and find a girl who’s genuinely interested. A chick who keeps guys on the backburner to boost her own ego is lame. If she’s got baggage, she needs to sack up and deal with it.. and NOT at the expense of some innocent guy who she knows full well has feelings for her. And at the end of the day, if she’s really into you, she’s gonna be in your bed. Simple as that. If you’ve put in 2+ months of work and have yet to even KISS her? Move on, bro. She’s a lost cause.
betty@twssboston.com
